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  • Alone but not alone
  • What are you doing alone? Why are you ignoring me? You lay there asleep, dreaming your dreams; men, hot, sweaty, muscled, nude, black, white, Latino, Chinese, you dream of them all. You tell me that you feel insignificant, insecure and inappropriate at times. Men do look at you when you go out. You don't notice; sometimes you don't care. You go out drinking, clubbing and sometimes tricking. It's an unsafe world we live in but you don't always care. You have made it through 40 years without an STD, injury or accident. Maybe you sometimes think that luck is on your side.

    Alone but not alone is how you feel. You work, live and party amongst many people. You have a large number of friends. You have a loving, caring, large family. Yet you still feel alone.

    I watch you when you go clubbing or simply out to drink. Flirt? That is way too simple a description for what you do! You seduce, intrigue and entice. No one is safe. Dance becomes a ritual for you. Men join you dancing and the ritual circle grows. You are average, nice looking but average; intelligent but not Einstein; funny but not Leno. Your ritual circle grows; men take off their shirts. Sweaty, lean, firm men kiss you, hug you; making you feel attractive, wanted, empowered. You feed off them like a vampire. You caress their firm chests, their firm ass; you wrap their sweaty hot bodies against yours. You still think of yourself as alone. In the bathroom, an attractive young black man, thanks for the dance earlier. You don't remember but pretend you do. You kiss, embrace and at one point your hands are on his ass and his hard dick that earlier was pressing into your crotch as you embraced. You walk out together, you buy him a drink and when he is distracted you disappear into the crowd. Your feeling of loneliness grows. Your belief that there is nothing out there for you grows. You feel like the last 20 years have been for nothing. Your attention span is short; your career life is short. Your friends ask, what's wrong? Why so snippy? Are you okay? You always tell them yes; no problem; nothing. You drink for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You look for happy hour. Beer isn't drinking; is what you say to yourself and others. You're Southern; Southerners don't drink until noon. Anything before noon is simply a good start. Even straight men like you. Straight men would turn bi for you. You have seduced several supposed straight men. They always come back to you eventually. You don't understand them, but the seduction is a victory to you. Then the loneliness creeps back in again.

    One of your oldest straight friends and you go out partying one night. You both drink too much. When you get home; he passes out in your guest room on the spare bed. You make sure he's okay and you go to bed. The next morning, you check on him; he's sleeping in his clothes. He's hot, young, Italian, Southern and a walking wet dream but straight and a friend. You gently tap him to wake up. He's told you that he needs to be somewhere early. He smiles gently at you. You and he have always had a touchy feely, friendship. He hugs you and thanks you for the night stay. You lean over and gently peck him with a kiss and he does back at you. He stretches moaning and hugs you again. You run your hands over his chest; he moans. You run your hands over his thighs; he moans. You kiss him again. He chastely kisses you. You unbutton his jeans; standing up to pull of his socks and the jeans. He has no underwear on. He doesn't stop you. You take off the t-shirt also. Now your oldest straight friend is naked on your spare bed. You kiss him, working your way down his chest; each of his nipples to his steel hard, hot dick that is bouncing against the muscles of his thighs.

    His dick is perfect. You begin to kiss it, blow air on it and then you slip it into your mouth. You begin to perform the best blowjob you have ever given. You lick his nuts, his thighs; back to his dick. You work this young man for what seems forever. It begins to moan, groaning with the need for release. He grunts telling you that he's going to cum. You keep on working him. You pull your mouth away (always being safe), start jacking him but you continue to kiss all over his body. He grunts, "Oh God." Then squirts everywhere for an unbelievable amount of time and fluid. When he's done; you clean him off with a strategically located towel. You lay together, cuddling and hugging. He thanks you. You peck a kiss on his full, sexy but straight lips. He excuses himself to clean up and get dressed.

    He tells you that he'll call you later and he always does. This has been a repeat performance over the years. He leaves to go to his girlfriends.

    Again, you are alone, but not alone.

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